Professor Elam

1/23/08, The Rose Garden Press Conference President Bush -And so my Fellow Americans we stand united for the common purpose of engaging our task, keeping the American Economy on a continued track to prosperity for all. Today we head for the Cabinet Room to Make the Tough Decisions that will keep us the economic envy of the world.
Presidential Aide sighing relief-Well for once he did what we told him and avoided the ‘R’ word
Cabinet Room Ted Kennedy – Mistah Prezdent, Ahm so thrilled ah thrilled, I propose a toast!
Kennedy Aide aside – Not yet Ted!
Nancy Pelosi, D House Majority Leader – Obviously we need to get help to those that need it most, the poor and displaced from Republican tax cuts and lack of CHIP funds
Charlie Rangel, D House Ways and Means Committee – While CEOs fly to the Super Bowl in their Gulfstreams, and seniors worry about their Lipitor prescriptions and Buick leases……
Hank Paulson, Treasury Secretary – I think we can all agree on across the board, fair help for everyone in need
Dick Cheney, Vice President and $35 M richer from HAL options – Well about time, how about some tax relief for job creating CEOs stung from the Alternative Minimum Tax on option exercise, geez condo prices on Hilton Head continue to plummet
Tom Harkin, D Iowa – I keep telling all of ya, with enough ethanol subsidies for the heartland of America we could put those Arabs back on camels where they belong
Harry Reid, D Senate Majority Leader – Mr. President, I just came from that coffee shop in Searchlight, NV and my God the specter of hundreds of blackjack dealers with tears streaming in their eyes, where will we go in a Recession they asked me, if Americans do not have the courage to draw on 16 and stand on 19, we are truly lost as a country….
Ed Lazear, Chmn Council Economic Advisers – Our staffs have crunched the numbers and determined that
$ 300 each for families with Adjusted Gross Incomes from $35-75,000 dollars,
Nancy Pelosi – Typical, leave out the working poor that don’t earn $35,000
Lazear – But they don’t pay any taxes
Pelosi – How could they, Jack Welch shipped all their jobs to India
Hank Paulson – My staff suggests that we finance this from future deductions of FICA contributions to be raised in the next Fiscal Year and taxed at one time rates of
Harry Reid – No way, you aren’t moving the tax to Hillary’s Presidency!
Presidential Aide in Bush earpiece – So what, we aren’t running again anyway let the Hillary sweat the deficit, call it the Leave No One Behind Act!
Charlie Rangel – Well if Lee Raymond at Exxon got $400 M, we could split that among one million people at $400 bucks a piece, Hillary is going to take it away from him next year anyway…..
President Bush – Ah, lemme see, $400 M divided by 400, uh, could someone get me a calculator….
Carl Levin D Michigan – Well if it is good for GM it’s good for their workers, a $6,000 level the playing field surcharge on every Toyota made south of the Mason Dixon would finance all this in a heartbeat
Dick Cheney – I told ya, I told ya, the Dems just want to throw money out of airplanes to a bunch of welfare wannabes that won’t work anyway
Presidential Aide in Bush earpiece – Darn that’s great, we announce that you will personally distribute the first checks in Florida from Marine One Helicopter and we get all the media coverage during the Primaries there….
Harry Reid – The War is Lost and if we can afford Billions for Baghdad why not for Ohio, an obvious swing state for us, no scratch that, is this mike on ?
Ted Kennedy – What about the Irish, the pub industry in Baghdad, er Boston, is down by ah, well I forget, but and my personal inspection tour…. uh er ah, where was I, can someone get me a Guiness….
Ed Lazear – Mr. President my staff calculates that if 35 million Americans walked into Wal Mart with $300 to spend..
Nancy Pelosi – Wal Mart, I knew it, I knew it, shilling for Corporate America again
Mike Huckabee R Ark – But the working poor work at Wal Mart and here in Bentonville…
Nancy Pelosi – Arrrrrggggghhhhhhhhh, jumping across the table and grabbing Huckabee by his hair
Dick Cheney – Leave it to the Dems to dump on the job creators
Charlie Rangel – Let me create a Marine Recon choke hold for you!
Cheney – My heart my heart !
Harry Reid – Cheney has a heart?
President Bush – Get some Marine Guards I here, we gotta have order, ducking as a paper wad of Countrywide stock misses his head,
Ted Kennedy – Order? Where’s my Guiness anyway?

1/28/08 Dana Perino, Presidential Press Secretary – It will come as no surprise that during this Call to Action, leaders of both parties have put aside partisan differences to come together on the No One Left Behind Act. Next July 4 at the same exact time, Nancy Pelosi in Haight Ashbury San Francisco, Harry Reid in Searchlight NV, and President Bush aboard Marine One will distribute the first of 50 million checks…..